Life isn’t always easy. We all go through difficult periods from time to time, and if we’re going to live our best life, then it’s important that we’re moving forward and working on improving ourselves. I share most of what I go through online to some degree at least, as it helps me to put things into words and for people to read those words. There are plenty of ways you can help yourself to put the past behind you and come to terms with things. Even if you’re happy with your life, the past will cause problems for all of us multiple times in our lives; whether that’s struggling to cope with a loss, or still being traumatised by memories of past abuse. For this reason, it’s recommended to actively work on moving beyond your past experiences. But how? I wanted to share some effective methods below.
New Habits
If you’ve made mistakes in the past, no matter what they might be, then you might be a little concerned about falling back into your old negative or destructive ways of doing things. Even if things are going well, it can still be a little uncomfortable to know that you could end up doings things that have caused you problems in the past. One way to get around this is to break those old habits and look at building new ones. It’s all about feeding the good wolf, and starving the bad wolf. When I talk about habits i’m talking about any negative or destructive repetitive pattern – from compulsive eating, to harming yourself or constantly going back to an abusive partner.
New People
Sometimes when we go through bad periods, we surround ourselves with people who aren’t that good for us. In some cases, the bad times may have been caused by these people. Humans do have a particular tendancy to keep forgiving those who cause us pain. So moving forward, it’s important to check that you’re surrounding yourself with people who will lift you up and raise the standards that you have for yourself. It can be difficult to actively cut people out of your life, but if you know that they’re toxic for you in one way or another, then it’s important that you do so. You’ll find it much easier to be hopeful and be the best version of yourself when you’re surrounded by good people. I am getting a lot better at cutting out people who aren’t good for me, and also at telling my friends my boundaries and what I will and won’t talk about.
Remove the Memories
You’ll find it much easier to move on from your past if you’re not continually surrounded by the memories of it. In fact, when my marriage ended I had thrown out more or less everything from that life within days. If, like me, your marriage was very bad, you’re under no obligation to honour those memories, so get rid of them. There can be any number of things that could remind you of something. It could be where you live, the pictures on the walls, cafes and restaurants, or something like a tattoo. When my beautiful doggy baby Vicki died, I took my self off to Los Angeles for 2.5 weeks as I was just too raw for visual reminders of her. When I returned I was ready to honour her and laugh at our memories together.
When I needed a tattoo removed, I went through a long course of very painful and expensive laser treatments. However, if you don’t have the budget for that, why not try a tattoo removal cream – it will take a lot longer but at least you are starting that physical process of getting rid of that baggage. Whether it’s something physical you need to do to start torching the memories you need to incinerate, or whether it’s more of a mental process of putting them behind you, you will be creating space to start afresh. Only take the good with you – that’s why I still talk about my precious Vicki every day. Life is too short to waste.
Forgive Yourself
Finally, be sure to forgive yourself. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies and can haunt ourselves with the memories of the mistakes we’ve made in the past. Myself included. A good approach is to simply accept your past, forgive yourself, and move on. It’s not the easiest thing in the world to do, sure, but it is important and worth moving towards. It’ll help you to grow and develop as a person. I talk about everything with David or my Mum. Once i’ve told them and talked it through, it’s like absolution for me.
I hope these tips can help you to be able to move forward into the new year and to start that new year on a more positive note where you are looking forward to what the future can bring.
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